What can we do when we struggle to believe we are beautiful? Jeanne Takenaka’s essay shows us how beautiful we already are in God’s eyes.
This compulsion to “look pretty” carried into high school, college, and adulthood. Somehow, I believed that if I looked attractive on the outside, I could avoid being judged and protect my inner life. #Jeanne Takenaka #innerbeauty #encouragement
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Why is it so hard to believe we are beautiful in God’s eyes?
I leaned against a wall in a stairwell of my junior high, books hugged tight to my chest, waiting for the friend I always walked home from school with. I just wanted to be invisible and for her to meet me so we could escape the building’s confines.
Instead, a boy in our grade stopped and taunted me with, “Spaghetti head! Spaghetti head!” Apparently, my fine hair was stringy rather than stylish, and he felt the need to point that out. Though no one else heard his mean words and tones, they embedded in my heart and my self-perception.
Being bullied in elementary school caused this sensitive girl to draw inward. Though the words came from a boy who was probably as insecure and unhappy with himself as I was, they burrowed deep, stinging as they sliced through the layers of my heart.
Those words shaped me. Convinced me of the necessity to look as good as I could at all times. I learned how to style my hair, to apply makeup. I embraced the idea of always appearing put together when I stepped outside the house. Striving for outward beauty covered a deep sense of inadequacy that bullying and mean words planted in my young heart.
This compulsion to “look pretty” carried into high school, college, and adulthood. Somehow, I believed that if I looked attractive on the outside, I could avoid being judged and protect my inner life.
I suspect I’m not alone in this response. But here’s what we need to remember: God created each of us unique in appearance, talents, values, and bents. No one will ever look the way we do. Sure, some of us have doppelgangers in this world, but no one looks identical to us, not even identical twins.
God never intended for us to be so concerned about our outward appearance that we find our worth—our identity—in our appearance. Our Father doesn’t assign value based on how we look.
God’s on the hunt for the beauty only found in our hearts.
1 Peter 3:3-4 says: “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” (NKJV)
This passage teaches us much about true beauty. Peter doesn’t tell women to be frump-mamas in appearance and dress. He says don’t let what we wear on the outside be our only focus. Can we desire to look nice?
Yes.
Wear nice clothes, gold/silver jewelry? Yes.
But our real beauty is birthed through what we adorn ourselves with internally. Do we spend time with God regularly? Do we show grace to our children when they’re standing on our last nerve? When someone upsets or thinks differently than us, do we speak kindly to them? Do we choose to trust and be still before Him when walking through trials rather than be spun up by them?
What character qualities are we nurturing in our hearts? These are the inner adornments that make us beautiful in God’s eyes.
When we truly understand what God considers beautiful, the drive to compare ourselves to others—of trying to earn their approval—loses its importance.
Focusing on becoming more like Jesus nurtures our confidence in who we are. There’s nothing we can do to cause God to stop loving us. Our identity is found in who He declares we are. Clinging to this truth lessens the drive to appear externally beautiful. Why? Because the One who loves us most has already declared us beautiful.
How do we arrive at the place where we believe we are beautiful in God’s eyes?
- Reframe our understanding of God’s idea of genuine beauty. The world’s idea of beauty is very different from God’s. Whose will we aspire toward?
- When our thoughts drift to comparing ourselves to others, halt that line of thinking. How? Study God’s word and write down verses that describe how He’s created us. We keep handy this list of the verses and what they say and refer to it to realign our thoughts.
- Meditate on biblical truths that discuss what God says about us. In Jeremiah 31:3, God says He has loved us with an everlasting love. In Psalm 45:11 (NIV), the psalmist says the King is enthralled by the bride’s beauty. Some say this also refers to how Jesus sees His bride. If we are His kids, we are beautiful in His eyes. Period.
- Believe what God says about how He views us. If we believe God’s word is true, then the verses that describe how He views His creation are also true. He loves us. He sees beyond our external to our internal character. Even when others or the world look down on us, God looks at our hearts (1 Samuel 16:1-13).
- When we really struggle with the idea that God loves us and sees us as beautiful, we need to spend time with Him and ask Him to reveal the lies that have persuaded us to believe we’re less valued than others.
Conclusion:
After that boy said those things, I wish I could say I bounced immediately into a healthy understanding of beauty in God’s eyes and others’ eyes. But I didn’t.
It took me years to grasp the truth that God loves me—and all of His children—perfectly, passionately, and completely. When I walked through another trial as an adult, God challenged my misunderstandings about His love and my belief that I was “less-than.”
The bottom-line truth is our Father can’t love us any more than He already does. He won’t love us any less than He does because that’s not in His nature.
Because God loves us, our external appearance doesn’t matter to Him. If it doesn’t matter to Him, should we care if a person thinks less of us because we don’t meet their standard of beauty?
When we understand our value in God’s eyes, what others think, especially about our appearance, no longer matters.
Meet Our Author: Jeanne Takenaka
Frasier winner, 2014
Genesis finalist, 2015, 2021
Cascade finalist 2022
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Bio: Award-winning, aspiring novelist and blogger Jeanne Takenaka writes contemporary fiction that tackles real-life issues with a heart to remind women of their value. She, her husband, and two boy-men call Colorado home. She loves being a God-seeker, hanging out with friends, and savoring oat milk lattés. When she’s not writing, you can find her, camera in hand, searching for #alittlebitofpretty. She’s a member of ACFW and Novel Academy. She is represented by Cynthia Ruchti with Books and Such Literary Management.
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Such a wonderful testimony, Jeanne! There’s so much freedom in believing what God says about us rather than comparing ourselves to everyone else. As I read your thoughts about showing grace to our kids when they’re getting on our last nerve, speaking kindly to people with whom we disagree, and trusting God instead of getting spun up, it occurred to me that a lifetime of this will help grow us into radiant older women.
Jeanne, thank you for sharing your testimony. It is amazing how things said to us when we are younger sticks and stays in our minds. “Our real beauty is birthed through what we adorn ourselves with internally.” I am so grateful God brings a beauty to us as we seek Him.